mh, - 

*dies of deep embarrassment, then ghost dies of deep posthumous embarrassment*

mh 

I need to stop feeling like my rsd-induced moments are relevant at all in my life.

mh 

(Frrvat n cnegare uheg arire trgf rnfvre.)

boosted

mh (-) 

I’m feeling bitter with things I shouldn’t talk about.

Corollary: immediately always block anyone who opines about consent in general.

Corollary 2: Blessed my life if I can keep my mouth shut and ensure my feelings and opinions get buried with me.

small vent (-) 

there exists a baseline amount of pain that I have to be prepared to handle at will at any time in my life and for long periods at a time. the sooner I digest this thing and abandon myself to it rather than resisting it the better.

mh; incoherent fragments; violence 

“intellighenzia” is a deeply flawed concept. It’s the artist-intellectual carving themself a space above where there should be no spaces above.

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mh; incoherent fragments; violence 

you can’t hurt a system. you can hurt a part of it and the system changes so marginally it’s barely a dent. I’m tired.

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my; incoherent fragments; violence 

wanting to punch was for T

I want to strangle, now. one-handed

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my; incoherent fragments 

she’s in fucking involuntary hold! She reached out while I was exhausted and prepping fo travel and now she’s held

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my; incoherent fragments 

have slept three and a half hours. damned jet-lag. Darn feelings

I am damned so all my feelings are as well

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my; incoherent fragments 

the point is to help everyone, not the fifteen people I like

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my; incoherent fragments 

the pain of losing a bond possible

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my; incoherent fragments 

this is my blood; this is my flesh

burnout, mh (- - -) 

I’ve been coopted by my desire to help. I did so badly, and now I am responsible for others in a way that makes me afraid to cut ties with what is scaring me. I am… I am a cog, and I am blackmailed by capitalism to remain in the machine. ;-;

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burnout, mh (- - -) 

I’ve just had half of a panic attack trying to be supportive to a partner. This is an improvement.

I had the other half while reading about the queer comrade back in Italy being engaged, fighting. What am I doing? What am I not doing? To what extent is what is hurting inside something I should ignore to go do the right thing? Why did… why did what happened make it worse? How can I heal from that?

mh (-) 

I wish for a day of no ongoing or sudden heartbreaks

mh (————) vent, trauma, anger 

I just want to be a whole normal person. Please. Please, please ;-;

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mh (————) vent, trauma, anger 

I now all of that; I am so fucking tired of having a fucking internal engine that makes me feel hurt Ike a fucking idiot every time something happens. I hate how it makes me behave, Iike an insecure fucking mess. I hate that it makes it about me.i hate every ducking second of fucking losing what I should do, of having to process over and over, of reminding me that thirty years of that groove getting deeper isn’t gone just because four years of therapy.

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