tired: I’m upset at discourse
wired: I’m upset at discourse but I understand that the reasons I feel defensive are due to my own issues and not the discourser’s. I will re-examine my behavior so that what these feelings reveal about me doesn’t affect others in a way that could hurt them
inspired: all of wired plus starting to associate heavily the defensiveness from discourse with how bad I feel reading feeds, so I decide to remove my online presence to safeguard my mental health
discourse feels to me like 40% echoing useful things, 40% venting about deeply personal experience that is projected justly or no as emblematic, and the rest the construction of in-groups by producing a model behavior and condemning an out-group, which may also be just or not.
I’m not super interested in being out-grouped more than I already do so to myself.
mh
I can feel the ghost of how white-person-upset about all of this I would be if I valued my mental health any amount vs. other people’s needs, and it’s bitterly unpleasant
I’m tired of parasociality, of desiring/being hurt by social dynamics, and of feeds generally.